Shifting Impulse: A BBW Bear-Shifter Romance (Complete Edition - Books 1-3) Page 14
Ryan had been so different from her ex, yet so similar. Both dumped her when they no longer needed her. The hole her boyfriend had left in her heart had been deepened that morning when he showed up at her door to surprise her on her birthday. She couldn’t help wondering if she had done something wrong. Oh, no you don’t, Celine! Don’t go there. He is the last thing you need. He’s not worth your time and tears if he is a jerk.
He was a jerk and she was upset he hadn’t been around for almost three full days now. Scorching tears fell down her cheeks and she wanted to throw the bag straight in the bin. She looked at the tiny flowers that had bloomed despite being in a plastic bag and she couldn’t do it. All kinds of bad feelings like remorse and guilt made their way to the surface until she couldn’t breathe. She had to do something with them. They had survived for three days in there and they deserved a chance. She remembered him saying something about wanting to make a terrarium. Celine had no idea what that was, but man’s best friend – Google –might know something about it.
She left the bag on the chair next to hers and went in search of her laptop. Google had the answers indeed. Even for people as impractical as she was. Good thing she remembered the name. Terrariums.
The ways to create a terrarium for yourself were endless, the size and the shape of the container didn’t matter and she liked the idea. All she needed based on her research on several sites was a glass container, activated charcoal, potting soil, small plants, moss, gloves and rocks. Some were, of course, easier to find than others, but it was a nice project to dive into to distract and, at the same time, remind herself of Ryan.
This wasn’t one of her best days, so she wrote everything down – the materials and the instructions - and headed to sleep the damn cold off. Maybe later that day she would start preparing for this project.
***
Sleep was indeed very helpful, so after Celine woke up feeling ten times better, but still looking quite sick, she grabbed the list, her bag and car keys and headed to the nearest Home Depot.
Some two hours later, she was home, at the kitchen table where this whole madness had started. She looked at the stuff she had gotten and felt excited about the pretty bauble-shaped glass containers she ordered from her neighbor, Suzanne, the amazing glassblower. It wasn’t the first time she had used her services. Celine was absolutely in love with the colorful vases Suzanne had made for her in the past. She had jars and jugs around the house that she could use, but she was feeling in the mood for something new and shiny in her house. Celine rarely bought anything for herself. She had been saving money for years. Ever since she got dumped she swore she would never get into a relationship. They were messy and she wasn’t too excited about being dumped again after she put her heart and soul into it. She was no nun. She went on dates her friends pushed her into going, but that was where she drew the line and put a stop to her friends trying to hook her up with guys.
***
Having days off was both terrifying and thrilling for Celine. She hadn’t had this many days off for three or four years. The thought of going back to work and finding mountains of paperwork on her desk made her stomach sick and it ruined her holiday mood. It was a lovely hot summer day which she planned of absorbing by being outside.
If only you weren’t still sore and down with flu-like symptoms, she thought as she entered Suzanne’s shop. Her skin tingled with excitement. Wow. She hadn’t felt this giddy in ages.
She had arrived early and Suzanne still had to wrap the glass containers she had made, so Celine sat in the lounge and waited. Need pooled in her belly and her face started burning. She was busy texting, so she didn’t even notice that someone had come in.
She pressed send and looked up.
Ryan was standing in the door. He looked like he wanted to come in, but he was just glued to the spot, holding the door with his right hand. He didn’t look like he might want to turn around and leave. His hungry eyes locked with hers and she wanted to jump in his arms and kiss him, but that wasn’t the best idea since he was there by chance only. Just the sight of him made her so angry she didn’t know how to deal with it.
He also hadn’t expected to see her by the look in his eyes. He licked his lips and opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t get the chance.
Right that moment, Suzanne came in with Celine’s order. “This is for you, Celine.” She stopped and looked at them, sensing she had interrupted something.
“Ryan! Your order’s ready too.”
He cleared his throat. “Thanks, Suzanne.”
Celine didn’t want to be around him right now for several reasons she didn’t want to think about. She wasn’t sure she could say anything without biting his head off. Instead, she snatched the box from her neighbor’s hands and headed to the door, ready to elbow him hard if he didn’t move.
He did move, but only to grab her hand. “Wait, Celine. Can we talk?”
She wanted to say yes, but she held her ground. “No. Let go of me.”
Suzanne excused herself and disappeared. Only nobody heard her. They were wrapped in their own bubble, busy staring at each other.
Ryan’s senses had been assaulted by the sweetest lily aroma he had ever inhaled and the moment Ryan walked in, he was surprised to find Celine there. The woman he had this irrational fascination for. He dreamed of her every night after they had met. The most erotic dreams of biting and claiming her as his. If only he hadn’t been swamped by work. If only he knew how to juggle having both a personal life and a professional one. He had no clue and now she didn’t even want to look at him. He wanted to take her into his arms and show her how hard she made him and how much he wanted her. The growing desire in him wasn’t only physical. It was like his soul wanted to be near her too.
She was determined to be the one who dumped him, not the other way around.
“Give me a chance to explain myself. I missed you, sugar,” he murmured. His guilty face wasn’t a good enough of a reason, but his touch and the way he called her “sugar” made her melt on the spot.
She didn’t back down. “You’re very good with words, but I’ve heard all that before. I’m not interested, Ryan,” she said still looking at his hand on her arm.
“I think you need some reminding of how good I am with other things. I know how wet you are, baby. You can’t lie to me,” he said as his hand travelled south in the direction of her crotch.
She blushed at the realization that she was indeed more worked up than she wanted. The man had only touched her arm and she couldn’t control her lady parts. Jeez, Celine!
She grabbed his hand in mid-air and almost moaned “Don’t do that!” That action alone threw her off balance and she grabbed the door to steady herself.
“Easy, baby. You look ill. When was the last time you had something to eat?”
She could read concern written all over his face. “Yesterday. I think I have a stomach bug or something. I’ll be fine in a few days. Don’t worry about it,” she said trying to sound cool.
“Let me carry those. I want you in one piece.”
CHAPTER TEN
Seeing her that pale and with those deep dark circles under her eyes triggered a very protective side of Ryan. His bear had been about to tear through his skin, but he somehow managed to control it. He wasn’t even sure it was possible anymore. The bear had calmed down ever since he had gotten out of his car in front of Suzanne’s shop. The only reason was Celine. Her presence reassured the bear that everything was okay. It made him flood Ryan’s mind with images of them in bed and him biting her. His bear was getting more and more desperate.
He needed a chance to explain his absence and he wanted to do that on her territory. She had to feel comfortable with him first. He was still working on this. He had to tell her how much he needed her in his life. That his bear was crazy enough to think she was the perfect one for his cubs. This sounded batshit crazy. How was he going to explain to her something as unbelievable as a man changing into a bear? Maybe if she got a ch
ance to get to know him better she would trust him and understand how serious he was about their relationship. He wasn’t quite sure how to check if she was indeed pregnant, but he had to be near her to do that. Dylan had said his sensitive nose would be able to sense the subtle changes in her body and then he would know.
She hadn’t accepted his help, but Ryan had stalked her home. Satisfied to see she was safe inside, he headed for his restaurant. He needed something he could cook for her to make her feel better. Apparently chicken soup was the answer for every health problem known to man, so he grabbed everything he needed, mint and chamomile tea included and drove to her place.
Celine couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the smoking-hot man in front of her. She was expecting Tony, but she got Ryan instead. Wearing dark-blue jeans and a mint shade t-shirt that hugged his intimidating torso and carrying a bag, he made his way into the kitchen without even being invited. Persistent and so tempting, but he was trouble. So much trouble.Too much trouble.
She had planned to start work on her terrarium project, but had abandoned it for a hot bath and she was preparing to go to bed. She wasn’t wearing anything other than a cotton nightgown with bunnies on it, so she pulled her plum bathrobe around her.
“What are you doing here?”
“Taking care of you,” he said with the sexiest grin she had seen.
“You don’t strike me as the type who fucks-you-and-then-comes-back-to-take-care-of-you, so you’d better go before my friend Tony comes back and kicks your ass,” she said well-aware that wasn’t even a threat given that he was the size of an ogre.
“As much as I would like to see her try, I think she will be too impressed to see a guy who cooks to even care that I shouldn’t be here,” he said in the confident tone she was already getting used to hearing, while he was filling her kitchen counter with the many things he had brought.
She was feeling too sick to even care that he had just barged in her house and made himself at home in her kitchen, so she sat on the chair nearest to him. Aware they were so close, his hands itched to touch and his lips yearned to kiss her. His bear needed her touch.
“Do you have a fever?” he asked as he walked her way and before she knew it, he kneeled in front of her and cupped her cheeks.“You are burning up, baby. You shouldn’t be here. Let’s get you to bed.”
She was so mesmerized by his touch that she didn’t know what answer was best “Your fault!”or “You should do something about it!” Instead she said nothing and just leaned in and kissed him. The moment their lips united she was reminded of the passion he stirred in her. Not breaking the kiss, he carried her to the bedroom. He tucked her in and kissed her forehead. As much as he wanted to fuck the cold out of her system, he knew that wasn’t the way to go. She was human. She had other needs. She had to be cared for.
Her heavy eyelids were fighting her for dominance. She grabbed his hand. Darkness was threatening to engulf her. “Stay. Please.”
“I’m not going anywhere, sugar. Sleep now. Food will be ready when you wake up.”
Serenity covered her and the last thing Celine felt before drifting away to sleep was Ryan kissing her knuckles. Under that though exterior he is sweet, she thought.
***
Celine was jolted awake by sudden hunger. It felt as if she was electrocuted. Her eyes fluttered open without her consent and she was suddenly wide awake. And starved. She remembered something about Ryan being in her house, so she hurried to the kitchen to check if he was still there.
She hoped he was. She was greeted by music and the delicious smell of soup as soon as opened the door. Walking down the hall towards the open space kitchen, she saw Ryan chopping some vegetables and throwing them in a pot. This was a rare sight. Such a tall, beyond well-built, scorching-hot and shirtless model of a guy was cooking in her kitchen, humming to the rhythm of the pop song on the radio. This was the second time he cooked for her. She didn’t get his plan, but it was working.
“Smells wonderful,” she said as she came behind him and wrapped her arms around his wide torso.“What is it?”
“Chicken soup, but it’s not done yet. How are you feeling?”
“Better, and I think you’ve just brought back my appetite,” she laughed at the double meaning. She ran her fingers on his way-too-defined-to-ignore eight-pack.
He snorted a laugh. “I can tell,” he said, putting down the knife and turning to face her. His intention was to kiss her, but she pulled him lower for a kiss first. She was getting bolder. He liked that. He had to explain himself.
“Look, baby… I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I haven’t done this in a while now and I’m not very good at balancing my personal and professional life. I never was.”
Oh, shit! That was the businessman in him talking. She hated being second best. She hated it. He was just like her ex. She didn’t want to be in his arms anymore so she pushed him and walked away. “I didn’t ask you anything, Ryan. Why are you even here?”
“Because I don’t want you to think you were just a quick fuck. You mean more than that to me. Don’t push me away, baby.”
“No, Ryan. I’ve been down this road before and I don’t want to do it again. My ex-boyfriend was just like you and when he left me, I wasn’t the same. He just took a part of me with him. Do you know how much it sucks being second best when you give everything you have until you have nothing more to give?”tears started clouding her vision and she hated herself for crying. She hated him more.
“I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry about what your ex did to you, Celine. I really am.”
“He was a jerk. He’s long gone and I managed to get over it somehow. The problem is you make me feel alive again and I haven’t felt that in a long time. It feels too good to be true and I’m afraid you will dump me any second,” there it was. She had said it. What she was most afraid of. She felt exposed and really tiny now. And God only knew she was by not a tiny person.
He came closer to her and hugged her. It was heaven to have her this close again.
“Listen to me. I’m here because I want to be. I only think of you every waking moment and you haunt my sleep. I’m just not the best at showing how I feel. If you teach me how to love you, I want to do my best to have a chance at making you a very happy woman. You’ve been so accepting of me and my wild ways that I still can’t believe it. Even if I don’t know what to do to solve what I have to deal with at work, I want to be in your life.”
“You can start by calling!” she said as she slapped his shoulder. “You do have a phone, don’t you, big guy?”
“Yes, I do. You’re right. It’s just that I have to deal with this problem of finding a chef as soon as possible by Friday or I’m dead. And that’s in two days.”
“Why a chef? Did the one you had quit?”
“Nah, he just fell off a ladder, broke his leg in the worst way possible and is now in hospital.”
“What’s on Friday?”she asked.
“The town festival, CampFest. Didn’t you know?”
“Of course I know. I’ve lived in this town all my life. It’s my favorite event of the year. I love the fair and the concerts. Oh, all the tourists coming here. I get it now,” she laughed. “Hmm… I might be able to help you with that. I know just the person for the job.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Saturday night.
After Celine had recommended Tony for the job, she didn’t feel like going to the town festival on her own. A group of friends were going too, so she joined them.
First she had to find Ryan. As bipolar as she sounded for wanting to get away from him one moment and the other craving for his touch, she had made a present for him. One of the three terrariums was for him. He had made an effort and come to her place every night after the day he cooked her soup. She hoped he would like it. She had put so much love into making them. Having breathing plants in their mini-natural environment in her house made it much more alive.
It only took about one minute on her o
wn at the bar in his restaurant to get picked up by a guy. That had to be the strangest thing ever. Men didn’t flock around her. Like never. And till that night, nobody got punched in the face by a guy saying “She’s not available, man!”
That must have been the sexiest thing she had ever heard a man say about her. It wasn’t entirely true, but she liked the sound of that. They hadn’t even talked about it, but him cooking for her and staying every night after that just to make her feel better must count, no?
He didn’t just stay the night, he gave her orgasm after orgasm. Again. For the third time. And then he snuggled with her. It was kind of unexpected to be with him and not have sex.
Thinking about mind-blowing sex while the new guy tried to get his balance right was making her all warm and needy. She bounced off the chair and positioned herself between Ryan, who was now preparing to throw another punch, and the other guy. Facing Ryan, she touched his arms and stopped him. His eyes glared, his heart was erratic and he combed his fingers through his hair to get it off his face. “You didn’t have to do that. We were just talking,” she breathed and pulled him lower for a kiss. She didn’t even recognize herself for doing this. Who was this new Celine? What had happened to her plan? Was she falling for the mountain of a man in her arms? The force of his kiss took her by surprise and all she could do was to give in to the possessive side of him. She forgot they were in a public place, but her moan made Ryan stop the kiss and hold her closer.